I have been surprisingly tired today. I can feel it in my eyes, but the rest of my body is awake and ready to do anything. It makes for a very confusing state of mind.
I didn't get much sleep last night, mostly because I didn't end up going to bed until around 4am (I know, I know its a terrible habit but I never catch myself on time), and because of my very late bed time, I didn't wake up until around 2pm, which just makes me feel guilty for missing the day!
Fortunately, my bad habits of sleeping gave way to good habits of house keeping. I finally conquered the pile of dishes that was building up. (Hurray!) And also managed to get my interview booked, and completed all before 8:00pm! So... maybe it all evens out?
My interview went so well! I was so happy. I figured I would have been nervous, or felt like a complete and total stranger, however as soon as I met the "manager" (she is a working mother, and for the position I applied for I will simply call her the manager) I felt comfortable and at ease.
We had dinner, and chatted and I helped in and out with her 2 year old daughter, who is an absolute peach! It was kind of fun.
Needless to say, I think that I will be hearing from them soon! Thus, become - casually employed as a part time babysitter/nanny.
To be honest, most people might think that its a crappy job, but I really think its the best for me right now. For all the issues I am dealing with in my health, I think this is just the kind of job I need. Some thing low key, casual and that still pays generally well. Its much better than any other job available to me at the moment, which includes working crappy hours at a call center - which in turn would cause me way too much stress and probably worsen my symptoms.
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Other than that, there really isn't much going on today. My trip with my friends was a success, no accidents - and we made great time there and back.
I've been thinking a lot about becoming more self aware, in many ways. I personally struggle with a number of different things, which have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Recently, I made a decision to work on those issues and become a better person by doing so, but making a decision in the mind is far from making the decision to act on it.
Its tougher than I thought it would be... but I am determined to find a way to make it work. To change the way I think, and act. I know change doesn't come in a day, but it has been a long time and I seem to be stuck in the same place as I was before.
And I really don't like this place I am at. Its bitter and confusing and I know that it can cause me to hurt the people I care about the most.
So change is good, and being aware that I have to actually put effort into my words and actions is also very helpful.
I think a lot of us do that from time to time though. We say one thing, and do the other.. sometimes we don't even do that.
And its not about becoming a completely different person either, its keeping what is good about yourself, and making changes to the bad things - only to better yourself.
Anyways, just some food for thought.
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